The option to stop; but the choice to keep going...

Okay, not exactly car related - but important! Very important! MENTAL HEALTH.

[Really, really annoyed. I finished this and then blogger had a glitch and deleted it all! So I've got to try and remember where this went...]

I've been ill with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis since I was 15, so 10 years now. It was tough to come to terms with falling ill, and then realising I'd never achieve my dream of joining the Armed Forces and making my military family proud. Meanwhile trying to comprehend what the hell was happening to me!!
Long story short, messed up my exams, ended up becoming bedbound/housebound, was put on a lot of medication, gained a lot of weight and had no idea what was going to happen to me all whilst other stressful situations arose within the family.
Fast forward 10 years and I'm still here... Well. Just.
I decided I wanted to essentially use this as a therapeutic thing along with I hope inspirational or motivational.
I've had times I've struggled mentally in the past, but of late. It's been the worst I've known. I won't divulge in descriptive terms or anything what happened as I don't want to potentially trigger someone who reads this.

Over the last 3 weeks, I have contemplated suicide. A lot. Fully on the edge, ready to go. I have marks on my body that I'm not proud of, but they show just how much I was struggling, and how I wasn't of sane mind.
I'm now under professionals for real help and advice on hopefully how not to feel this way.

I'm so used to hearing -
"you're always so happy"
"you're always smiling"
"you're always there for everyone"
"you always put others first"
"you have such a big heart"
"you are the most selfless person I know'
but, truth is I wasn't happy. I'm still not. I've been gradually deteriorating for a long long time but then I reached this dark hole, and just couldn't see any way out. Other than the ultimate escape. All I wanted was to rest. To not constantly feel like I'm stuck.

Having chronic pain isn't easy and people don't realise just how difficult it is to do even the smallest of tasks. Yet I'm here breaking my back following something I'm passionate about, and for what?! I've had no shoots, no paid work, no videos to do... NOTHING. I've loved this stuff since I was 3. Cars have always been my passion and love. But why should I bother when people who don't have a true passion for this stuff, who just want attention get to do all the good stuff?! I've nearly packed in skullsandsnaps multiple times in the last few weeks. Feeling like I'm failing.
Which leads me to discuss social media. Social media gives us such stress! It creates so many issues for us. Seeing others doing better and feeling we aren't good enough. Seeing how others are and believing it's how we should all be. It's horrible! It's a nightmare.
You can have those little glimmering moments of love and support and it's great. But it's not constant.

My mental health issues are different to others. Everyone is different. But we all have anxiety, worry, stress... we just need to understand each other better and help each other more.

My friends. Now, my friends, are the reason I'm still alive. They're more like my family considering I don't have any blood relatives around, except my Dad. I found myself one night, unrecognisable really... alone, hyperventilating, panicking, crying and shaking violently telling my Dad I was going to end my life. I couldn't do it. He told me to calm down and that this wasn't first time lately that I had called to discuss my goodbyes. He calmed me down and told me he was considering having me sectioned under the mental health act. The following day I was seeing my GP arranging help.
But as I was sat alone in my room, I thought about each one of my friends and their issues and their struggles.We all have our demons. We all have things to deal with. Be it, mental health issues, physical health issues, relationships, work, money, family etc... and I was like, why am I being so selfish to consider inflicting this pain on them of ending my life?! They don't need that stress. They've been so supportive and I can't fault them at all.
We're a unit, that support and love each other - where we can speak to each other about anything, whenever.
But I sat and remembered my Dad's best friend, aka my Uncle (not by blood) but he took his own life when I was 11. Even now, 14 years on when he's discussed I see the pain my Dad feels, and the guilt! The guilt he carries that he feels he wasn't there for him enough, he could of done more. It still tears him apart today. I couldn't leave this world before my Dad, I couldn't inflict that added guilt on him. It wouldn't be fair.

No matter how low we feel, we can't choose when to end our story. 
The semicolon - the option to stop; but the choice to keep on going. We have to forget the pressures of social media, and unrealistic expectations! We are all different. 

Some people are so lucky to become millionaires at 25, but are they lucky?! Are they truly happy cause they have millions?! Probably in luxuries and materialistic ways, yes. But I often think these millionaires are always surrounded by fake people who are trying to extort them. Do they have honest true friends that would be there if they lost it all tomorrow?!
It's all about perspective. I need to honestly take my own advice here! We can either...
Adapt to a situation,
Change a situation,
Work around a situation,
Leave a situation or grin and bear a situation until it's over!
Life is a major rollercoaster and I try to stop myself being a pessimist and thinking "Ooo one drop is over... let's just wait for the next one" - No. Just ride it out and enjoy it whilst it's fun!

I could probably write a whole book on this, but I shall stop now. Below are the UK and US numbers for some charities that help when you're feeling low/suicidal.  If you don't have a friend or family member to speak to, use these numbers. Someone somewhere cares! Appreciate what you do have and don't focus on what you don't have.

Much love
Skully x

Samaritans - 116 123
HopeLine UK – 0800 068 4141National Suicide Prevention Lifeline US - 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

2016... Well I never...

It's been another year filled with hair colour changes, more ink additions, health ups & downs and yet, still, many miles travelled... all for the sake of these 4 wheeled wonders!
The thing is, I don't really know where to start and what to say about this year! It's all slightly surreal.
I had to go back on my Instagram, and also look through my hard drives to remind myself of this years antics. Some things feel like years ago, whilst some only feel like yesterday!
I've had a couple of things happen that I could of NEVER predicted would happen in my life... yet, alone all in one year.
The funny thing is, all this car photography stuff started because my GP at the time told me I needed to get a hobby. Anyway, I've had this "hobby" for 3 years now. Which isn't long in comparison to some people I've met. But I've had some incredible experiences in this time! Beyond imaginable!
They say a lot can change in a year and upon reflecting the events of this year, it certainly can.

January, I had the awesome experience of shooting at Koenigsegg for Koenigsegg and Shmee150. Getting to ride in the Regera with Christian von Koenigsegg and do the first proper shoot of this car, was incredible!!!! It helped that it was snowing to really set the scene and make my photos really stand out.

Little did I know that these photos would basically go viral, with them still being shared and reposted on social media pages today! A few images also got printed on canvas for display at the Geneva Motor Show, along with being published in the Koenigsegg magazine and featuring in the Salon Prive catalogue. So a massive thanks to Tim & then the team in Angelholm.

Another year of working with the lovely guys at Oakley Design...
I love these guys! I'm picked on like I'm one of the lads, we have great laughs on our road trips and I'm honoured & privileged to be invited back time and time again to shoot and show off their unique and performance enhancing modifications!
Whether I'm shooting their Veyron in the Graffiti Tunnel at 3am, leaning over a banking section of a test circuit in France or I'm on a forklift to get aerial shots of a P1, it's always a pleasure to showcase their work.
I cannot wait for their expansion to their new units next year, they thoroughly deserve it! I look forward to working with you again next year and thank you for another incredible year.










I MET JENSON BUTTON!! I forgot this was this year, but oh my God, it was amazing. Attending the London Classic Car Show for the first time ever and meeting someone I've been such a fan of for so long - was insanely cool! He was so lovely - as was Suzi Perry, Jodie Kidd & Bruno Senna. It was also a celebration of the McLaren F1, so that was epic!

Ryan Lugg, hosting his awesome Supercars Of Essex car events, and Cars & Curry nights - has been pretty damn cool too. Especially when a McLaren F1 shows up at a curry house!!! Now that was slightly crazy! But thank you for putting on some cool events and drives, Ryan!

Then a quick run through of other events from this year that have been pretty cool...
- Gumball 3000 coming to town!
- Auto Italia (basically where it all started for me, 3 years ago)
- Blancpain at Brands Hatch = where we also saw the P1 GTR & Aston Martin Vulcan flying round the track
- Blancpain at Silverstone = massive thanks to Pasin Lathouras for the pass for that!
- Goodwood Breakfast Meeting = shooting the Shmee150 "Blue Crew" final drive together
- Goodwood FoS
- Fast Factory meet
- Icons by the Lake = great events hosted by Lee Hill!
- Being invited to the opening of Ford Epsom
- Salon Prive = although it was very very very wet, it was a very cool event with some stunning cars
- Visiting the set of Transformers = SEEING A CENTENARIO ON THE ROAD!!!!! <3
- Passione Ferrari was a fun day = FXXK <3 599XX <3 LaFerrari <3 sounding epic on track!
- Mercedes Petronas F1 Team Christmas Party!!! (Massive thanks Mike!!)
- Special thanks to CarCrazedFool and Porsche Colchester! Especially for the epic 911R shoot! :)

Special mention to Ciro, owner of The Sharnbrook - his events are always amazing. The variety of cars is brilliant, the atmosphere is fantastic... he does such a superb job, I cannot wait for next years events.
Then you have the usual attendees, Yianni & Lenny. I can't thank them enough for looking out for me and checking on me! They aren't just hilarious, they're both very kind guys... but shh, don't ruin their image now ;)








Now, a moment of reflection to sort of round this up.
23rd June, 2016... Probably the scariest event of my life. BUT. I learnt a lot.
A lot changed. A lot then made sense to me.
That date, the day of the accident I was involved in, en route to Goodwood.
I thought that was it, truth be told. Game over.
Alas, someone somewhere said it wasn't and TA DAH! All of us involved are still here today.
I learnt who cared, I learnt who didn't. There were people who showed up asap! There were people who I'd thought were my best friends, yet never even sent a message to check I was okay!
The biggest thing I learnt, every opportunity you're handed... take it! You don't know when your time is up.
There's people I met after that accident, and people I grew closer to that I'd of never met, but I'm SO bloody thankful I survived and did!!

Which leads me to some special people and special events - Demi, Chris & Roger! Our trip to the Nurburgring was so much fun, we may not of seen anything incredible but it was sure damn fun!

Our trip to Dubai, now that was epic! Cars we saw, cars we shot, people we met, sights we saw... LOVED IT. Part of the reason for going was so I could meet up with someone, yes... I'm that crazy person who flies half way round the world to meet them!
A massive thank you to Natalia Itani, her kindness, hospitality and sweet words meant a lot! Plus, that Huracan was beautiful! MUCH MUCH MUCH want <3

Anyway, to my "gang" - LOVE YOU GUYS!! I look forward to what 2017 has in store!

Then everyone else, I haven't forgotten about you - be it spotters & photographers, people I see at events, or friends I haven't seen in ages - that are away from cars (sorry! these cars are rather time consuming and energy depleting!)
but you've all made this year amazing and I can't put into words how thankful I am for you all!!!!
To those who have been in my life and left - thank you to you to. I've learnt a lot.

It was a special year in managing to get Dad out and about - so proud of him, my hero! But the support we have from you guys is just... indescribable! So thank you...

Health isn't amazing in our house, but it could always be worse! I missed a few epic things... LIKE A VENENO cause pain was just too bad but oh well.

Anyway,
Much love, health, happiness and positivity for 2017!
Take care.
Jo